I️ Now Recognize That Being a Workaholic is Not The Flex That I️ Thought It Was
Media: GIPHY
I recently had a phone conversation with a beloved friend who has known me since middle school. She bought up something that I needed to receive. In the middle of a discussion about my lack of work-life balance, she told me that “I️ work hard but never put myself first to do what I truly desire”. She explained, “I’m a workaholic who does not reap the rewards for their labor. As a result, I don’t center myself as much as I should, and I sometimes neglect my needs.” Although it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, I needed to listen to her message for some deep reflection.
I’ve operated like this for most of my life, seeing elders work long days and nights, resting on the weekends, and never being able to enjoy the fruits of their labor. It’s because if you ask them, they didn’t have the means to afford to relax, and they were always in survival mode. They had to survive low wages, little time, energy, and problematic work colleagues. So, vacation for them meant resting in bed each vacation day and avoiding any conversations about their job and hell, even locations in proximity to their workplace when they were off work. Likewise, I never witnessed my parents go on vacation, and as a family unit, a vacation was non-existent. Again, that’s because what’s a vacation when you need your basic life necessities met? A joke. And quite frankly, nobody had time for that. It simply wasn’t a priority.
As a child, these experiences instilled in me that if I worked hard enough, I would always have a paycheck. It’s pretty silly to reflect on this now because early in my career, the money I earned was not enough to avoid financial struggle—even though I still had a paycheck. I adapted a workaholic attitude because I thought working hard defined my value as a worker. I now understand my existence and lived experience are enough to validate me. Back then, even if I was struggling to make ends meet, in the words of Shekinah, I believed “I work hard b****.” However, my entire experience gave the oxymoron of negative income because I worked hard only to get by, which was never the end goal.
There is something to be said for the way as people in this society; we believe that breaking our backs for organizations and working for scraps defines us as #gettingtothebag. The truth is when we spread ourselves thin just to make ends meet, we are merely surviving, and the idea of surrounding ourselves with work 24/7 is simply not the flex we think it is; in fact, it’s more liberating to have the freedom to rest. My brutal truth is that in being a workaholic, the real reasons I never enjoyed the fruits of my labor is because:
I didn’t believe I deserved to rest.
I often battled with the younger me, who survived scarcity and wouldn’t relax. It was simply because I did not have enough to feel financially secure. Because of that, I immersed myself in work to feel like working off my financial traumas would end my battles with living in scarcity. Chile, that’s one of the biggest lies I’ve told myself. When you experience scarcity for an extended period, it takes a while to subdue the taste, touch, feel and smell of those experiences. Sometimes these memories stay with us for a lifetime. The key lesson here is regardless of where we are in our journey, it's essential to rest.
I struggled to adequately managing my money.
Getting paid to only go broke in the next two days was a real struggle for me. It was partially because, in my early twenties, I simply was not making enough money and had more expenses than cash flow. I worked fellowships and student jobs as a broke-ass college student for my early twenties, and although I had lovely positions, it wasn’t until the age of 24 where I felt the difference in my earned income. Yet, how much I earned made no difference in my life when my spending habits were trash. I needed to make room for improvement.
I tried to save everyone when I needed to save myself.
When traveling on a plane, flight attendants will inform you in an emergency if the cabin loses pressure, you must place an oxygen mask over your mouth and nose before assisting others. While it may seem like a minor detail, the directive for the oxygen mask is a valuable lifesaver for not only a plane emergency but life emergencies in general. Before you can help other people, you must be able to support and sustain yourself first. Prioritizing yourself doesn’t mean you’re selfish, nor does it mean that you don’t care for others; however, it is essential to prioritize your well-being. When I first began making real money, I didn’t understand this concept, and I would often give before taking care of myself. However, I now recognize how critical it is to protect my financial future.
In many ways, these experiences led me to form an unhealthy relationship with work. I was working myself until I was tired, enduring traumatic experiences with the excuse that I must take this abuse because I need to make ends meet. I recognize that I was more like my elders, who also exhibited the same behaviors.
As we elevate through our careers, it’s essential to recognize that we are more precious than the positions we think define our value. We should keep striving to live a life of ease and comfort.
